I know I made another post with almost the same subject,but I can't go back there cause there I was talking about my past and the present is darker!!!So I'm sorry for this!!!
I just need a good word,something to make me believe that life worths to be lived even without the love of my life!!!
Last night I ended up my relation with my crush who happened to be in the same time my best friend also!!!I just couldn't accept his attitude toward me,I just couldn't accept him to call me stupid and insane and I just couldn't accept anymore him to ignore me completely and lie to me!!! And I told him this and many,many other ugly stuff!!! And I know that I was too cruel to him telling him all the things I hate at him,but I had to relief myself!!! But unfortunetely now everything is OVER-all that I dreamt,all that I hoped is in vain!!! Now he hates me and he doesn't want to talk or to see me ever again!!!I'm dead for him!!! But the thing that still upsets me is that he just chose to leave without saying a word,not a single word to me,not even good-bye!!!
Anyway,girls,especially you,Luca,please don't congratulate me because of what I have done last night-I know he has been really cruel to me and he really made me suffer a lot,but that doesn't mean I had to do the same things to him,cause in my opinion what I told him and the way I told him(very angry and with cold heart) was very wrong!!!But I had to find a way to explain to him what I felt over the past year!!! I should've acted with my mind,but I chose to act with my soul!!!And it was very wrong!!!
So this is how Ema lost the love of her life!!!The end!!!
I hate myself!!!

Hi Ema
I don't know if my talk is worth anything, but I couldn't just read and not reply!! .. I feel for you, it's so hard to lose someone so close to you even though you did it with your full consciousness and consent.
Ema, I looked at your profile, you're 21 years old!! It's not like you're 35 or 40 or 60!! YOU WILL MEET OTHER PEOPLE! I know what I'm saying sounds insensitive, but I'm talking from experience. Honey from here I think you did the right thing. You DID act from your mind, not your heart only. Your mind told you that you should be respected, didn't it? I don't wanna sound like a broken record but "you only need some time" and try to have peace with yourself. Remember that sometimes bad things happen and they turn out to be in our own benifit. I have a suggestion, if you want to apologize for him for hurting his feelings, you could write him an email or a letter, write how much you loved him and how much your relationship with him meant to you. And don't list the bad things about him, just tell him that you didn't feel he was giving you the respect you deserved, but you appreciate him in every other way. Say I'm sorry, I wish and hope we become friends again. I'm only suggesting this so that you sort things out with him, and you won't feel so bad about yourself.
See honey, I see that sometimes there are some relationships that don't work with a certain level of friendship or love, I mean they won't work this way, they'd work on a lower level. What you see and demand might not be the same as what the other person sees and demands from your relationship with him/her.

I hope I didn't intrude, good luck with your healing girl *kisses*

Thank you sweetie for your thoughts-I'm really amazed by your maturity and experience!!!Are you sure you are 17???Thank you for your advice-you're absolutely right in everything you've said!!!
But the thing is that even though everyone says that I'll get over it soon or to be strong or that everything happens for a reason,I don't want and I have never wanted to end this relationship with him!!!And to be honest with you,I want him back-just as he is!!!And I know he's not perfect,I know he has some "problems" with his behaviour,but I also know that I can turn him to be the person he should be!!!
And believe me he's a true wonderful man;it's just he's afraid to love again because his deception with his ex!!!And because of that he's afraid to start another relationship;he's afraid he might not find the perfect girl or he's just afraid of being hurt again!!!But I know I can make his fears disappear and I know that he needs a girl like me!!!
And I know how to make him come back at me,but this would take me a loooooooong time!!!
Anyway,I know you consider me a weird person because I'm on extremes,but this is how I feel-I love him and I hate him in the same time!!!But I love him more!!!And I'll fight for him with every bit of my heart and soul!!!
This was not a regular,normal relation,it was more than you could even imagine-that's why I'm willing to fight for bringing him again in my life!!!

hey Ema

I totally feel for you. Did you ever told him how do you feel towards him? well if not then do it. and I agree with fatma. try apologizing to him and tell him how much he means to you and that you're totally different from his ex. tell him what you tell us. tell him you can make his fears disappear. tell him not every girl is the same and you can be everything he wants. don't end this when you really like him and love him that much cuz believe me you'll regret the day you left him even if you had another one who loved you more. I didn't have the same experience exactly but I once had a friend more like a sister to me. we fought a year ago for a really stupid reason. it got bigger and bigger everyday. I still see in so many places her and my heart kills me whenever I see. apology won't do anything it just got so big. I try to forget her. I have wonderfull friends now and I love them so much especially xtina (the closest to me even more than my ex-friend) but I still regret that day and hope we'd be friends together but that seems impossible now. every time I's listen to I still by the BSB..I cry..yes I do...every word relates to me EVERY word..so don't let him go and then say "I wish I can find you just like you found me then I will never let you go" like me. this is the sentence that makes me cry more cuz its just describe how I feel exactly but thats impossible to happen now. so what fatma said is absoulotly right. do it...hold on tight to him don't let him go...just let him understand ur the right one to him.

I am sending you mail and lots of love

first .. dont hate your self ...
second ... try to fix the things up .. do u know him very well ?? ... then im sure u know what are the things that he likes ... try to apologize .. BUT u dont need to apologize face 2 face .... im not that good at apologizing .. so i always send lil gifts with a litter that descripe the way i feel now .. and how sorry that i am ... maby you can write him a litter descripping you feelings .. if you care about him that much .. im sure you will be able to fix alll these things so easy .... try not to face him so much ... and no one is perfect at the end ... every relationship should have some bad stuff ... i mean ... the fights are not always bad ... if you didnt foght with him ... u would never knew that you like him right ??? ...

write him a litter ... and as i said try not to see him that much ... or talk to him after sending the message ... let everything come down ... then
im sure you 2 will get back 2gather ... :) i hope that helped ... btw n.g ... well .. i dont have to explane how much you mean to me right ?? ... ...

you don't I know you feel for me just like the way I feel for you

Thank you girls for all the beautiful words you wrote here-it means a lot to me to know that even though we're so apart from each other,our hearts are so close!!!Thank you!!!
I don't know yet how or what I will do next-all I want to do is to run away from all the bad things in my life right now!!!-and believe me they are so many!!!Thank God I have you!!!
The best thing for me right now is to focus on my exams and to try to ignore this problem-what will the future bring to me???Who knows?Maybe this was a bad dream indeed or maybe this is real!!!Only God knows!!!

no problem girl we're always here for you ema you know that

and focus on your exams and I'll be praying for you to get better hun

Thank you honey-I really need your prayers!!!Kisses!!!I hope one day I will make up to you all for the support you're giving me these days!!!

its ok no problem

thats what friends are for right!!

Umm, I'm not 17 ema .. I'm gonna be 23 next Wed :p .. Anyways, I really *really* hope things work out for the best ^_^

I'm so so so sorry!!! I don't know why I said that-I guess I saw something else on your profile!!!But you're not 23 either as long as you're born in 1984!!!Just like me!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

I knew you can't be 17 from what you told me-it were the words of a girl who learned something from her love life!!!

Oops!! Miscalculation *so ashamed* lol .. I'm gonna be 22 .. I checked my profile, you've seen my total posts and mistook it for my age .. no problem ;) And thanks, I hope it'd be a happy birthday